Hi I'm back

Hi I've been gone almost a year, so much has happened and I am still sober going on five year. Yeah (LOL) no seriously I am so happy about this fact because if it were not for my sobriety I would not be attending graduate school, I would not be in ongoing contact with my 3 beautiful daughters and my dad. I would not be currently residing in South America. Yes, I am now in S.A visiting my dad for about a year, he is very sick with Alzheimer disease and I was able (with God's help) to come here and be with him while he can still recognizes me (most of the times). I also have my youngest child with me and my dad's eyes just light up every time he sees her (which is daily). Sometimes he even starts singing or talking in song to her and makes faces. He also starts talking in English and says how pretty me and my daughter are. It's really amazing and I feel blessed for being able to be here.Life just get's better and better in recovery, there are many gift's in store for you if you stay sober so don't give up. If I can do it so can you. It's about staying sober one day at a time, giving your troubles to a higher power and believing he will take care of them, counting your blessing daily and staying sober no matter what life brings to the table, hence staying sober no matter life. Good nite my fellow bloggers and God bless.

The Trialss and tribulations of taking standarized test / GRE

hi I want to apologize for not writing in so long, I was studying for the GRE a test I am required to take in order to be accepted to graduate school. I received the min score needed to get in, but I will probably retake the test in the near future to get a better score which I will need to apply to PhD programs after I complete my masters!It's funny because I have a really high GPA and everyone thinks I am so smart but I am first not a math person and second do not do well on both cumulative or standardized test. Don't get me wrong I have never failed such a test but I do not excel in them,,I am not sure why that is..I study like crazy but I seem to forget a lot of the material when I get to the test. Its not testing anxiety because I excel in all other types of exams (except math I freeze, but again I don't fail, I just don't do as well as I would like) I wish someone was reading this and could give me some advice, but I don't blame people if they are not following my blog. A blog is truly a commitment and I am simply to busy to write every day;however, I will continue to write in hopes someday someone will read my struggles and triumphs and it will help them with their own! The good news as I am sober today and am approaching 4 yrs staying sober no matter life, now they should give out PhD's for that(LOL) sometimes staying sober is a daily battle and one must learn that only through constant introspection and change is the battle won. That"s why I love psychology and philosophy. Psychology strives to understand our behaviors and the thoughts involved in those behaviors through both observation and manipulation by experimentation and philosophy ponders all of life great questiond like why were we created and our purpose. Actually. psychology is a young field only a little over a century old, it branched off from the field of philosophy and many of the great psychologist we reference today were first philosophers. I am a thinker I always have been, I can't seem to stop myself from always thinking! Everyone tells me to stop thinking so much, but since I cant seem to do that I will go to graduate school get my masters in mental health counseling to help others think and behave in a healthy fashion and then I will get my PhD in psychology. PhD stands for a Doctor of Philosophy, so I will ultimately get paid for being a great thinker!!! I cant think of a better way to spend my life..Thinking and helping others think and behave in a healthy way so they may lead happy and productive lives. I am truly blessed! I believe to find something you love to do and also make a living at it is the only way to true happiness and will also be one of my steps when I start the centers for change in order to help both addicts and dually diagnosed clients. If you hate what you do for a living its hard to be happy or content or even feel any satisfaction or have any form of peace of mind. This discontentment with ones life, is in my opinion a recipe for drowning your sorrows with drugs and alcohol. as well as other unhealthy addictions. Therefore, this aspect of our life must be addressed and if necessary changed in order to lead a emotionally happy and stable life, free from addictions and vices of all types..Well more on that later... (don't get me started LOL!!) for now good nite my fellow bloggers God bless! Stay strong and strive to be the best you can be, you are worth it, if you can't believe that just yet, then believe that I believe in you!!! You can do it...just as this once broken addict is doing now! If I can change and succeed, I promise so can you, with a little help!! All the major hotlines (NA, AA ect...) are posted on my blog; so make a call , change your present and your future TODAY!!! Its never to late...nite!!

A PERFECT MOMENT

As I watch her as she breaths in slumber, somehow it seems as if the elements are in synchrony and all is well in the world, if just for a moment...

Sometimes life is just plain hard!

WOW!! nobody ever said staying sober wouldn't be challenging at times. I have been so stressed out I really thought I was going to have a heart attack! I almost got evicted, due to back rent created by non payment of an old roommate. Yeah thanks for that old roomy you know who u r! Thank God my sister came through for me!I have been looking for employment but even minimum wage jobs ask for criminal history and background checks!! How does fraud or drug possession sound on a application?? And then there's some interesting colorful misdemeanors I'd rather forget. It really gets discouraging when 4 years go by you are a senior with a cumulative GPA of 3.715, a single mom struggling to be a good role model for her kids by changing my entire life and showing my girls that its never to late to change and follow your dreams and you can't even get a job at Mc Donalds, not that I want one there, but its hard!! I did get a part time tutoring position but they did a background check so waiting to be summoned. However I was honest from the start that's gotta count for something! School is great!! I love Cognition and my professor she is excellent!! I hope to someday model her teaching style. I truly love psychology and the inner functioning of the mind both unconscious and conscious process, I find it fascinating. I just think I am so blessed to find a career I truly love and have passion for and will never consider just work, its more like a devotion. I just pray I will find employment when the time comes and that my past mistakes won't impede my success. I refuse to believe3 it will in this great country of new beginnings and second chances there has to be hope for someone like me, if not in the United States of America then where? anything other than affirmative would be scary indeed!
No matter the struggle, its all about having faith and striving to continue the struggle one day at a time. Sometimes its difficult but their are a lot of good days and achievements are forthcoming. It's worth it!! Don't give up remember its all about staying sober no matter life and I'd like to add helping others!
God bless nite!

Really tired and overwhelmed but the good news is I'm still sober...no matter life! write more tomorrow nite, stay strong, don't give up, your worth it!

Hi, I know it been about a week since I last blogged. I am sorry, I haven't checked in!
It really been a trying week. I usually face life with a positive attitude always going forward! However, this week I remembered why a lot of addicts give up. I have been trying to get a job, I am in between student loans and am pretty much completely broke, but that's not the problem that's life! What is the problem is all the jobs nowadays ask on the application if you have ever been convicted of a felony and you can't lie because not only is that wrong, but they will probably do a background check. Seriously, even the jobs that pay hardly more than min wage do background checks and when you have a long criminal hx. Good luck!! I had almost forgot all the stupid things I had done in active addiction, how much trouble I had gotten into. Seriously, I was not a very good criminal...I got caught every time! I mean even if I just opened a beer on the street I'd get arrested, if I crossed a yard without permission, I got arrested for trespassing! I mean I really got arrested for everything! It was horrible, a nightmare really, at the end especially!! It brought me to my knees and made me change everything about me. It's funny because In my cognition class we are studying that you have to use the executive mental resources to remain goal oriented and not do things out of habit. It takes effort and God knows I have put forth a tremendous amount of effort in changing my life and taking my experiences and using them to help others. That is my life's goal, but how to make that come across on an application? All they see is the criminal history, not the changed person behind it. That my friends is why I am going for a pardon this year. God willing the governor will grant me one. I CAN prove rehabilitation and from everything I have read on the matter that is the key! If I can do it, I will help others do the same in my centers for change, so they can have a true chance at a new life. The ball and chain of our past mistakes can be overwhelming..
I am a very good student and applied as a tutor at my university. I got the job, but they just ran a background check so....I don't know I mean I was honest, I told the women who hired me that I had a criminal history, but my criminal record is sooooo long..seriously I am not kidding when I said I got arrested for everything!!! I don't mean the charges per say, I haven't robbed a bank or killed anyone or anything like that, but if I crossed the street other than at the cross walk, I would get arrested for jaywalking!! No joke!! little and big things... I got arrested!!
Its hard because I am not that person anymore and it embarrasses me that I did those things. The person I am today would NEVER consider doing any of those thing except maybe jaywalk, but I really try to cross at the cross walks, if only to be a good example to my 5 year old daughter. You can't just say Briana you have to look both ways when crossing the street and always cross at the cross walk when it says "WALK", yet I myself jaywalk..It doesn't work that way! You can't say do what I say not what I do and expect results! That s why I quit smoking a year ago, because my daughter said when she grew up and was 18 yr old she could smoke too. I told her smoking was wrong and could kill you..So she should never smoke and well obviously neither should I so I had to quit!! NOW THAT WAS HARD!!! None the less
I have to be a good example to my children in ALL things. I have morals/ethics today! I am Christian and try very hard to lead a honest life.. I only wish to help others, so my mistakes, pain and suffering isn't all for nothing!! The gray cloud that was my life is now a silver lining!!
I wish I knew how to get this out there to you. I know you are out there alone and confused, hopeless and scared..I 'm here I want to help! I've been where you are, I understand. It will be ok, just reach out for help and take it when it is offered!
Change is difficult but its the only way out of the darkness! You can do it..I believe in you..Have faith, whether you believe or not God is with you, take that first step and remember its all about staying sober no matter life...
Like always help lines are posted in my dashboard for your convenience, USE THEM YOU ARE WORTH IT!!
God bless

Find Help here!! Hotline website and numbers

Alcohol/Drug Abuse Hotline
1-800-662-HELP
http://www.recovery-world.com/National-Hotline-Phone-Numbers.html